If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I’ll grow old and start acting my age. I’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that’s harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it’s missed when it’s gone. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I’ll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I’ll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I’ll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It’s cold as a tomb, and it’s dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget… You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
“
| — |
(via ashweener) oh beautiful. |
Suddenly, a cloud must have cut a hole in my head,
When i was tangled all in your words.
How quick to forget,
We are,
With eyes unimpressed
You’re sealing the conversations.
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface,
When all the walls have tendencies.
But it’s not your fault when no one taught you how.
Dear You,
I’m glad you know how to write a letter to practically a ghost but you’ve proved nothing. The day you pick up the phone and make an effort, is the day I’ll listen because sitting on your ass and saying the things you did isn’t going to make me happy. Telling the entire interweb that I’ve been a horrible person isn’t a way to win your best friend back. You and I both know that ignoring me or throwing me away just like you did Kriss, isn’t something I’m going to deal with but I’m glad you know how to play the victim.
It’s nice to know that you would give up on me, even when I didn’t know it was my fault. You can’t cry about how the world has given up on you. The world doesn’t know you’re angry.
And it’s not that you can’t show your emotions because you feel free to tell the internet and anyone else that gives you sympathy. Anyone that’s not me.
The next time you want to fix a problem, don’t cry. But I’m glad you know how to type a letter. It’s nice to know you’re self destructive and I’m glad to hear you had a replacement just in case I decided to destroy your life. Just in case I screamed at you to be safe. Just in case I didn’t love you like Meagan did. Just in case I forgot about building forts and watching disney movies and making faces at you from across the kitchen and drawing with chalk at wee hours of the night. Just in case I forgot that you were the reason I don’t cut myself. Or that without you, I wouldn’t be able to get over fuckheads that destroyed me or the fact that my mom used to beat me. Just in case I forgot I loved you.
I haven’t forgotten anything. I haven’t regretted anything. I haven’t gone a day without missing it. But I’m glad you know how to write a letter and pretend I don’t exist. Because you can live without me.
Sincerely,
Me.
P.S. Never say anything about my sister again, Katie.
